For Birth Moms: How to Nurture a Relationship with Adoptive Parents by Terri Rimmer - originally published by Associated Content

As a birth mother, having chosen the adoptive parents for your child, you may be wondering how to navigate the relationship between the three of you.

I can tell you that being a birth mom for the past seven, almost eight years, I didn't have a clue as to what to say or not to say to the prospective adoptive parents or (APs) as they're called in the adoption community. Just starting out I was timid and decided to err on the side of caution when it came to disclosing too much information, making suggestions, and comments while having conversations with the APs.

I got lucky because I wound up with adoptive parents who were open, non-judgmental, and wise when it came to a lot of things concerning my birth daughter. Luckily, they were both nurses because she had a medical problem which none of us anticipated before her birth.

In the beginning I was aware that the APs might have only been given negative information about me so I took it upon myself to make my own scrapbook to give to them ahead of time, prior to Placement Day so that they could get to know the good stuff about me. Not to brag but just to inform and so they would have the whole picture of me.

When making your way through this unknown territory known as the adoption maze, I found that it was best to be honest but not brutally honest, to be forthcoming but not graphic, and to be most of all considerate when it came to communications regarding their schedule when it came to emails, letters, sending pictures; etc. By not being demanding from the beginning, you set the tone for a smooth relationship.

From what I can remember I started out just writing them once a week while I was pregnant then as I saw that they would start corresponding with me more frequently, this allowed me to talk a little more via emails and ask about how things were with them, too. Not just talking about myself, but showing interest in their lives demonstrated that I wasn't self-centered and self-absorbed, but that I cared about what was going on in their world.

As they were more forthcoming, so was I. Since they were in the medical field I never told them what to do regarding my birth daughter, nor did I second guess their decisions. On the few occasions when I might disagree I was always careful not to voice that opinion. I was paranoid about alienating them and I didn't want to mess things up between us, especially early on.

Through the years, since 2000 I have maintained that stance and it has turned out extremely well for me. Whenever I send an article or write the APs I am always diligent about assessing what I'm doing. It's just a matter of common sense much of the time. But, when I look back at my early emails I can see that I was negative about some events, probably too much at the time concerning bad things that were happening in my life.

"My daughter has now met her entire birth family and has framed pictures of them in her room," says Nanci Worcester, an adoptive mom. (http://www.adoption-center.com/about.nxg).