How Much Can a Child Understand About Being Adopted? by Terri Rimmer - originally published by Associated Content, 2008

There have been various theories about how much a child can understand when they are told they are adopted.
When I chose the adoptive parents for my birth daughter in June 2000 when I was getting ready to place her for adoption, the adoptive mom told me that my baby would always know she's adopted.
McKenna, my birth daughter, knows she's adopted now. She's 7 ½.
She recently got a 100 on her first school project on Macaroni Penguins. She also got a paper back and there was a question about "What makes you special?" McKenna wrote, "I am special because I am adopted!
Her teacher wrote back, "Me too!"
McKenna was so excited that her teacher was adopted and special, just like her.
At our last visit in January, McKenna asked me, "What do you want me to call you?"
The question kind of caught me off guard but since she has always called me Miss Terri, I just responded, "Terri or Miss Terri."
When we said good-bye she said, "Bye Miss Mom, Bye Miss Birth Mom!"
It warmed my heart and made my day.
On the way to the January visit McKenna said to her adoptive mom about me, "I can't remember what she looks like."
"Look in the mirror," the adoptive mom responded.
"What do you mean?" McKenna asked.
"Look in the mirror. She looks just like you," the adoptive mom explained.
According to Families with Children from China, the age between six and seven is a turning point in kids' lives when it comes to understanding that they're adopted.
When Ben, McKenna's adoptive brother was four, he was told he was adopted but he didn't really get it until a year or so later.
Around age six most children can differentiate between birth and adoption because they understand conception, according to adoptivefamilies.com.
In Aug. 2007 before another of our visits, the adoptive mom told McKenna, "We're meeting Ms. Terri tomorrow" and McKenna asked, "Ms. Terri? My birth mom, Ms. Terri?"
The adoptive mom said a few months back that McKenna "Gets it but she doesn't get it."
I remember how thrilled I was when I found out that she knew she was adopted for the first time.
Celia Craske says that in the past ignorance was supposedly bliss when it came to not disclosing to a child that he was adopted.
According to aap.org it is best when you tell your adopted child she is adopted that you tell the story of her adoption and share the memories.

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